Everything on the Side
Let’s talk diets. I can’t believe this subject has not come up before in this space. I have finally accepted the fact that I will never have what the experts call ‘a healthy relationship with food.’ The truth is, whether I’ve been good or bad, am at my skinny weight or fat weight, am happy, sad, or ambivalent, food is never out of my mind for long. In any given year I can be a size 6 or a size 10. What’s up with that? Now I know many of you will not cry for me, I am not fat by many standards. But let me just tell you what the difference between a size 6 and size 10 are for me; the difference between liking myself and not, the difference between initiating sex and just engaging in it, and certainly between bathing suit cover ups or just the ones with the skirts (out and out two pieces have slowly crept from my drawer into my daughter’s). I accept this, accept the inevitable bumps (on the front of my thighs now too? When did that happen?). And this is not to say I haven’t had some success with dieting and or nutrition, I have; my portions are (currently) under control, my choices are excellent, my salt is down and antioxidants up. But here’s the deal. I finish breakfast and am already thinking about lunch. And snacks. I know the nutritional count of every food item, whole, fresh or packaged. I get everything on the side. In fact, I’m thinking about calling one of my novels about suburbia “Dressing on the Side.” The other day I was at a deli counter waiting to order and a man next to me ordered a salad and had it tossed with a half a cup of Russian dressing. Unsolicited, I told him that if he substituted Dijon mustard for the dressing he would save about 200 calories. It was not my finest moment but he had this paunch….
I’ve infected my daughter, too, a lovely 24-year old who, at 5’7” is underweight by the charts but not by the standards of the New York City club scene and goes to the gym four times a week and exists mainly on a diet of egg whites. When we go out to lunch guess what we talk about? You got it, food. What did you eat today? What are you going to have for dinner? How many calories are in this egg white omelet with onions-onions we asked to have raw and not sautéed? And another thing. I am turning into Bill Cosby-I make Jello everything-of course the sugar free kind, did you really have to ask? I bet you never knew you could spread Jello on toast; that is, if I actually allowed myself to eat toast. I’ll send you the recipe if you don’t believe me. The bottom line is, along with the all the other irritating changes foisted upon me as the next big birthday looms, I have decided to gracefully accept that I am food-obsessed and always will be. I will concentrate on being healthy in other important areas; my self-image, my good friends, my family relationships. At least those I seem to be able to improve. So goodbye to the guilt, hello to canned artichokes and hearts of palm; after all, they have barely 20 calories a piece. Trust me, I know.